Never a moderate Drinker
For as long as I can remember, I was never a moderate drinker. I had friends who could have one or two drinks and be done and it just amazed me. I had a husband that could open a bottle of wine, have one glass and let it sit on the counter for the next two weeks, while he very slowly drank out of it. I looked at these kinds of people like they were unicorns. This was not me. Once I started, I did not want to stop. I enjoyed the buzz so much that I endlessly chased it all day, night, evening, etc.
As I got older, it started to catch up with me. I began to use alcohol to cope with the stressors of parenting, and it showed up in my blood tests with elevated liver enzymes. My doctor would instruct me to abstain for a few weeks, come back to retest and everything would return to normal. During those breaks I had a taste of how good life could be without alcohol, what a revelation. But a part of me always thought I could try to moderate and every time I was unsuccessful and my drinking just ramped up again.
The Pandemic
In June 2019, I heard Andy Ramage speak on the Rich Roll podcast about his One Year No Beer program and his new book “The 28-Day Alcohol-Free Challenge”. It was something that immediately attracted me, and for the first time, I was getting very curious about a sober lifestyle. It took me a while to start, but by November that year I was finally sick of my own shit and ready to go. I got to FOUR whole months, my longest stretch ever when the Covid 19 pandemic hit NYC and turned the world upside down. There it was again, the question of moderation. I thought I could have just one. Spoiler alert, I could not.
As the pandemic wore on, I started a side hustle making cloth face masks. I sold them and gave them away. It felt really good to be doing something creative AND helpful. After sitting at a sewing machine for 7-8 hours a day, I felt I was very deserving of opening a bottle of wine at 5 p.m. most days. We ordered lots of take-out and lots of wine deliveries; we justified it by saying it was to keep our local restaurants and liquor stores in business.
The loss of my T. Scott
In April of 2022, I suffered an immeasurable loss. My best friend of 27 years, My T. Scott, lost his battle with alcohol addiction. He was the friend I moved to NYC with, the Man of Honor at my wedding and one of the most incredible people I have ever known. I knew of his struggles with alcohol, and I knew he wasn’t going to live a long life, but I also wasn’t ready for him to go this soon. He was 54 years old. His death gutted me. It also put that voice in my head that said, “Ok, Melissa, are you finally gonna get your act together? OR are you gonna keep on drinking and start to head down a similar path?” I did NOT get my act together, not yet, anyway.
Depression was looming…
For the next 15 months, I ate and drank A LOT. I stuffed myself and my feelings down and did not deal with them, telling myself I was ok. I didn’t like looking in the mirror. I didn’t like my picture taken. I didn’t recognize the image looking back at me. In the past, if I saw myself in pictures getting heavier, I would do something about it and take action to make changes. Now, I was having thoughts of “Maybe this is just the way my life is supposed to be, maybe I’m meant to live as a heavier person. Maybe I’m meant to live just a mediocre life”. These thoughts were scarier than the actual images themselves.
In the summer of 2023, when I started waking up and wondering what would happen if I stayed in bed all day, I knew exactly WHY I was having those thoughts. I was drinking too much. In my 51 years, I’d never experienced depressive thoughts, and now here they were knocking on my door. It was time to take action.
A doctor’s appointment that changed my life
In August of 2023, I visited my doctor for a routine physical. I needed my pre-diabetes prescription refilled, and it had to be in person. I decided this would be the person I could open up to about my increased drinking. She knew some of my past struggles. I had told her about the OYNB community, and of course, there were my previous elevated liver enzyme issues. I consider myself very lucky. I have an incredible doctor. She didn’t judge me or condemn me. She listened and tried to find solutions. We talked about AA and naltrexone. She didn’t get too far ahead of herself because the real proof would lie in my bloodwork.
I was not the least bit surprised or shocked by my blood panel results when I checked my email the following day. My numbers were atrocious. Everything across the board was out of whack. I knew my liver enzymes would be off the chart (which they were, and I’m talking in the 200-300 range), but also, my A1C (glucose reading) was bordering on the diabetic range. My cholesterol was high, my blood pressure was high, and, of course, my weight was also high. My doctor advised me to make “drastic behavioral changes” to try to stop drinking, follow a low-carbohydrate diet, and exercise regularly. If I could not make these changes on my own, she would begin to prescribe me a series of medications for high cholesterol, blood pressure, etc.
She advised me to see her again no later than three months.
Choosing a new life
For the first time in my drinking life, I felt like I was at a serious crossroads. On one hand, I could accept a life of medication and mediocrity and continue this destructive lifestyle, OR I could get my act together, remove the booze once and for all, and start living the life I’ve always dreamed of.
It didn’t take me too long to make that decision. I almost immediately accepted the fact that I was not and never would be a moderate drinker. This was the first step to freedom.
For the next three months, I got busy. I treated not drinking, eating healthy, and exercising like it was my JOB! I walked and walked and walked some more. I listened to sober podcasts on my walks. Fell in love with podcasts like “Sober Motivation” and “One for the Road.” I also listened to and read Quit Lit. I devoured Sober Instagram. This was new to me from the last time I was here. I found it to be an inspiring space. Filled with people, especially women who looked and sounded like me.
Progress
After only a few weeks, I started to feel really good. I was losing weight, my skin was clearing up, and my energy levels were improving. I remembered a time earlier when I was still drinking, I set out for a walk in the park, and halfway through, I got so gassed I actually took a bus home! Now, not only was I finishing my walks, but I was getting faster with each passing day. At 8 weeks, I listened to a podcast where the guest mentioned a program she went through to become an alcohol-free coach. I had no idea that was a thing! I made a note and thought to myself, “I could do that.”
Returning to my doctor
I returned for my follow-up exactly 11 weeks after my initial appointment, and I couldn’t wait to see my doctor! How many people could say that?!?! I will always remember her face as she entered the room that day. She remarked how she thought I was getting Ozempic on the black market (FYI, I was not!). I stood for her, did a little twirl, extended my arm, and said, “Take my blood!”
This time, I couldn’t wait for those results. And they were amazing!!!
Liver enzymes – normal. Blood pressure – normal. Cholesterol – down FIFTY points. A1C (glucose) – down to no longer in pre diabetic range.
Weight – down 27 pounds!
Community
The best part? No part of me felt like picking up a bottle of wine to celebrate. This was my new normal. This was my new life. It had to be. It was around this time that I started to find community in my sobriety. I had always heard that the opposite of addiction was connection. My previous attempts at sobriety never included community. If I wanted to make this stick (and believe me, I did), I needed a community or two to support me in my journey.
TODAY
Today, with nearly 18 months of sobriety, I have a new lease on life. I did get my 5X Alcohol Free Certification, and today, I help women change their relationship with alcohol so THEY can live longer and healthier lives. Today, I am a group coach at one of the communities I started out with – shout out to Sober Motivation Community. Today, I’ve been a guest on those podcasts that got me through those early days, “One for the Road” and “Sober Motivation,” and I count both of their hosts, Dave Wilson and Brad McLeod, as friends of mine.
Today, I have my own podcast AND sober Instagram – The Sober New Yorker.
Today, I speak to groups of women, encouraging them to take a break from alcohol to see what kind of life it might lead to.
None of this would have been possible if I was still drinking.
Today, at 53 years old, I can honestly say I’ve never been more excited about my life!
I owe it all to sobriety.
This piece is written by Melissa McGovern. Melissa McGovern is a mom, wife, and proud sober New Yorker. As an alcohol-free coach, she helps women transform their relationship with alcohol so they can live longer and healthier lives.
When she’s not at home with her kids, hubby, and cats, you can find her at the gym taking kickboxing class or power walking in Riverside Park.
She counts the theater as her happy place and gets there as often as possible. And after 30 years, she STILL loves New York!You can find more about Melissa here, on her Instagram page…
