During the past 3 weeks in lockdown, I have been rather happy. Which seems awful since the world is falling apart and lots of people are truly suffering. So I decided to look a bit further into this (misplaced?) happiness…
First of all…
The first thing I noticed is that my happiness apparently comes from within. I haven´t been shopping, I haven´t been on any holidays (obviously), I´m just home… So I like home, being at home with two of my favourite people in the world makes me happy. But I kind of knew that already.
Then…
So I kept thinking and realised that one of the things that makes me happy during lockdown is the fact that I don’t have to do any social things that I don´t feel like doing. For instance a ´night out´ – think drinking and dancing. For some people the most fun thing in the world, for me… pure hell.
Might have something to do with the fact that I don´t drink, that I don’t like dancing (except in my kitchen when I hear a nice song on the radio ;-)) and that I don´t really enjoy standing in a crowded bar surrounded by drunk people and with music so loud I can’t even hear what my friends are saying (yep, I´m getting old haha). Days before nights like this will actually take place, I´m already getting grumpy just thinking about having to go out that night. The day itself is already ruined the moment I wake up and think: Bleghh I have to go out tonight. So why even bother going? The night itself might end up being quite fun but still. Isn´t the whole lead up to it supposed to be fun too? It doesn’t give me any joy, so why bother.
This made me realise: To become (even) happier IRL I might have to scrap nights out from my calendar once lockdown is over. Except birthdays from good friends. Birthdays are special, I love birthdays, and on birthdays I will do whatever makes the birthday girl/boy happiest! Albeit skydiving or getting hammered somewhere (well, obvs I won´t get drunk as I don´t drink but I´ll bé there). Love to celebrate théir day together!
During this lockdown, I spent quite a lot of time (too much actually, I múst reduce the hours I spent there) on Instagram. And after seeing a few posts about introversion (it´s a wealth of information this Instagram I noticed haha) I read up a little bit about introverts/extroverts and it all makes sense now: I´m an utter introvert!
Introversion
The biggest revelation for me is this: A person with extrovert tendencies gets energy from gathering with groups of people, from social interaction. On the other hand, a more introverted person gets exhausted by this.
Often group gatherings also provide happiness but yeah, tiresome it is to me. So what I experienced so often during my life (the need to suddenly escape, going blank in my mind, getting grumpy) finally has an explanation, I´m an introvert and I need to dose my energy carefully. As when I don’t do this I get emotionally exhausted. And very grumpy!! The lesson that I can take from this: it does indeed mean that certain things in my life need to go, just to keep myself happy and emotionally balanced. And isn´t that the most important thing we all strive for in life: To be calm, happy and relaxed? I sure as hell am. And I bet my husband & daughter 100% agree 😉
Just say no
So I have decided to start living the way that works for me. I´m not doing socially exhausting things anymore THAT DON´T MAKE ME HAPPY!! I will still do the ones that are worth the exhaustion and also provide me with a big chunk of happiness, like birthdays and weddings from true friends, as they make me happy. But random nights out… no thanks!
Connection
Obviously, people need people. Humans are born wired for connection. We need connection as much as water & food. But what is connection exactly? As Melissa W Joyce so beautifully puts it: “Connection is the magic that is born out of souls feeling at home when they are with each other.” Who wouldn’t want this? And how to get a connection? This is strongly correlated with vulnerability. Again, by Melissa W Joyce: “This is the beautiful and terrifying thing about vulnerability. We must be willing to completely reveal layers of ourselves in order to reach an authentic, tangible connection with another soul. Vulnerability is in actuality connection in its invisible form.” Beautiful, right?
Lockdown needs to go now
Back to me and my personal revelations during lockdown… Obviously all of the above (mainly the realisation of my introversion) doesn´t mean that I don´t want to see my friends. Introverts need connection in life just as much as extroverts do. I miss seeing my friends after 3 weeks in lockdown! And I can´t wait to see them all again! To go for a coffee in the morning, sitting outside on a terrace and catch up. And going to the gym and play padel tennis with my padel buddies. To catch a movie at the cinema, and to go shopping in my favourite department store in Spain –> El Corte Ingles. To go on a city trip and explore new shops, neighbourhoods and coffee shops that I´ve never seen before!
Missing my friends
I miss all these things and I can’t wait to do them again with the people I love, my friends! To speak with them properly, not over the phone, but face-to-face & one-on-one as that’s my preferred way of meeting my people (this way I can be myself the most, and connect better with them. In groups, I tend to shut down a bit and unawarely try to blend in or something. I can’t help it, it just happens. Definitely a thing I need to work on though as some things just happen in groups, it’s inevitable in life and sometimes quite fun too!).
So yeah, I´m happy now and that is allowed I decided. Even during a global tragedy. And I will make sure to take what I learned in this time with me when this ends… Hopefully this lockdown situation won´t be too much longer so I can do all the above things and go out into the real world to truly connect again…!
(Very) long story short: I´m not a party friend but I ám a coffee/gym/brunch/cinema/spa/shopping/city trip friend.
And I´m ok with that. I hope my true friends are too.
PS: The other thing that I realised during lockdown is that I don´t miss the constant stream of new information/never-ending to-do lists/ people that want or need something from me/people visiting my house to fix shit that shouldn’t have been broken in the first place etc BUT I guess that is just life 😉 What are your experiences during this lockdown? Would love to hear from you in the comment section below…
