Written by Sarah H.
After years of questioning my relationship with alcohol, a podcast episode with a functional medicine doctor changed everything.
Introduction
My name is Sarah, and I am an (almost) 37-year-old living in San Francisco, California. January 1st (my birthday) will mark 2 years of sobriety for me. I usually always participated in Dry January. It is such a nice way to start the year, a much-needed reset after the holiday season, and I always felt accomplished when the month was over. But let’s back up a bit…
College Years: Where It All Began
I never started really drinking until college. My first-time drinking was my senior year of high school graduation party. I drank because everyone was. I didn’t really get it and remember not feeling great the next day. I started my college experience at the University of Vermont. Honestly, those years were some of the best years of my life. I had made 3 of the best friends and the 4 of us did everything together. I LIVED for the weekends. House parties and barhopping, hook-ups, and long nights of endless laughter. PBR became a staple and Southern Comfort was a pre-game must. I had to learn my limit and had to learn the hard way a few times. We drank to get drunk, meet new guys, and have fun and we had the time of our lives.
Summers on Nantucket
In the summer months I lived on Nantucket. If you have never heard of it or have never been, it is an island 30 miles off the coast of Cape Cod. It is a wealthy, beautiful, special place but it really comes to life in the summer. The population more than doubles and every night people are out and about drinking and listening to good music and eating some of the best food I have ever had. The brewery was a common meeting spot post-beach and pre-showers before a night out. There were so many restaurants and bars in close proximity to each other that nights out were always such a fun time going from spot to spot.
The Unquestioned Years
I never thought I drank more than any of my friends or the people around me and I didn’t. College and summer were meant for that fun carefree lifestyle. We were young and could bounce back quickly from one night to the next and because it was so normal, I never questioned my relationship with alcohol.
Warning Signs in My Late Twenties
I think in my mid to late twenties there were a few not so great instances that made me question things. For one, I wasn’t bouncing back as quickly and that only got more evident in my thirties. I didn’t always make the best decisions when I drank. I also didn’t always act like myself or say things I would be proud of. I didn’t like the blackouts. As someone that has been on anxiety medicine since I was 15, none of this made my thoughts and heart rate any better.
The Recurring Question
A few years ago, I began to have a recurring thought: what would life be like if I didn’t drink? What would change? I was dating someone in the restaurant industry at the time and as someone that likes to go to bed early and wake up early, I was kind of starting to fall apart but was blinded by really liking this person. We would go out almost every night and I knew in the back of my mind that I couldn’t live like this for much longer and be a functioning human being. Thankfully, he turned out to be an untrustworthy person and things ended.
It was around Christmas time, and I said to myself: “You can use this as an opportunity to turn your life around and see what is possible if you stop drinking and be the best version of yourself OR you can let this be what makes your life fall apart.”
The Catalyst: A Podcast That Changed Everything
Kristin Cavallari had a podcast episode come out with Dr. Ryan Monahan, a functional medicine doctor based in LA that kind of put the nail in the coffin for me. I worked with him and did a bunch of tests and went through a solid number of supplements to level out any imbalances I had and create a plan to support a healthy lifestyle. While this was expensive it was the catalyst I needed to kick start this new journey and be all in with valuing a non-toxic environment (both physically and emotionally). In the episode with Kristin he said, “There is no amount of alcohol that is safe. If you are getting into this healing path the first thing you should do is quit alcohol”. I have NO idea why this man saying that really struck home for me, but it did.
January 2024, I did my Dry January. I had met someone that had mentioned to me they were going to quit for 100 days, and I did not think I could do that. That year though I was like I feel good, I have already completed January, February is a short month let’s do February too. By the time I finished that month, the guy that told me he was doing 100 days stuck with me and I committed to doing that too. The longest I had ever gone before was 5.5 months (and then Covid happened :/) so I decided to go for 6 and it just kept going. What I once feared I could never accomplish became my superpower.
What I’ve Learned About Change
I had tried to stop drinking a few times before this. As I got older, I started to notice alcohol affecting me differently. I found myself in situations that made me reevaluate my choices, including a drunk driving scare. What I’ve learned is this: people can tell you to stop drinking, and difficult things can happen…but unless you want to make the change for yourself, nothing else will really stick. I CHOSE MYSELF. I know this isn’t what everyone says, but once I decided to quit drinking, it became the easiest and best thing I’ve ever done. When others make suggestions or pressure you to change, it’s hard because you’re fighting against yourself—you’re not ready. But when you are ready, you’ll feel it. And I can promise you, life on the other side is so much better.
The Truth About Alcohol
Let’s be real for a second. Alcohol is poison. No one should be consuming it. It is a class 1 carcinogen. It is linked to several types of cancer. Like Dr. Monahan said, “no amount of alcohol is safe”. Why as a society we have come to normalize this substance and use it to celebrate milestones, anniversaries, weddings, etc. is hard to wrap my head around. In the last couple of years, I think we have made positive changes. The U.S. Surgeon General recently issued an advisory sharing how alcohol increases cancer risk and is calling for a label to be put on alcoholic beverages. The numbers of non-drinkers have continued to rise year after year. Mocktails have become more popular. I’m excited for what is to come with the awareness that this substance is not good for anyone.
Navigating Social Reactions
I have had some people when I say I don’t drink say “Why?!”. If I said I don’t smoke cigarettes, would you ask why? The clarity and awareness that I have in being sober makes me more confident than I have ever been. That girl that thought she was confident going up to a guy across the bar after a couple of vodka sodas holds nothing to how I am now. I have lost a good number of friends since becoming sober. Some were obviously more so people you drank with, but others were more surprising.
I think when you make a change like this some people either have trouble believing it or perhaps it reflects onto them, and they wonder if they should also stop. I do not care whether someone drinks. Everyone is their own person and can make their own decisions. Whether you are a “good drinker” or not I think everyone is aware that alcohol is bad. It is up to the individual what they choose to do with that information.
Life in Sobriety
In my sobriety, I have become that person I want to be. I love who I am. I love how kind and nurturing I am. I love how I see life now and the little moments that bring me back to the little girl I once was. I have become very intentional with my time. I check in with the people I love. I have learned that I am DETERMINED. I can and will accomplish whatever I set out to do. Sometimes I can get a little bored, but I value that peace of mind I always have. Alcohol did a great job of helping me numb a lot of things. It postponed a lot of feelings I had been holding onto. It made me lash out at people I loved and made me just want to disappear at times.
The habits I have developed in the last 2 years and the healing I have done have helped me to understand myself so much better. While there are certain parts of my story I wish I could omit, I am just glad they brought me here to this version of me now. This is a very condensed version of my story but if anyone is struggling, I am an open book and hope I can help to guide anyone thinking about a life void from alcohol. It is a beautiful path.
This post was written by Sarah H. You can find her on Instagram.
Are you interested in sharing YOUR sobriety story with me and my readers? You can do this anonymously or with your name and/or bio. If you’d like to know more, leave me a message and I will tell you all about it. Izzy
